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Two Poems
by Shane Allison

Poem for Charles Bernstein

Charles Bernstein understands the human heart
    I wish Charles Bernstein ruled the world
   Because of Charles Bernstein, I stay off the wrong side of the tracks
Charles Bernstein reminds me of Benny Hill
   I touch the whiskers on Charles Bernstein's cat
Charles Bernstein says I could sleep in the basement
   I dream I could be a great teacher like none other than Charles Bernstein
   I cry because Charles Bernstein cries, too
   I touch myself when thinking of Charles Bernstein wandering around inside me
   I hear Charles Bernstein's motor bike rumbling down Martin Luther King Boulevard
   I hear Charles Bernstein reading poetry at some crummy dive on the lower east side
    Charles Bernstein is surrounded by flowers
   I touch my lips when I see Charles Bernstein on stage
   I taste the medicine Charles Bernstein gives me for my bronchitis
   I imagine Charles Bernstein writing in my dreams
   I am the man of the house when Charles Bernstein is gone
    Charles Bernstein brainwashed me into believing that I'm a platypus
   I smell Charles Bernstein's freshly baked cherry pies
   I wish Charles Bernstein would stop cheating off my math test
   My mother is having Charles Bernstein over for dinner
   I say that Charles Bernstein can read my thoughts
   Without Charles Bernstein, things are sour and bitter
   I hear Charles Bernstein still and silent
   Wish I could speak a little more like Charles Bernstein
   I see and remember Charles Bernstein
   I know I am the illegitimate son of Charles Bernstein
   Because of Charles Bernstein, I am a potter
   I imagine Charles Bernstein standing on snow-capped mountains
   I don't want to think about what my life would be like without Charles Bernstein
   You say you never stopped loving me, I say there is someone else, and his name is Charles Bernstein
   I don't love you the same way I love Charles Bernstein
   Why do I wonder so about Charles Bernstein
   I feel this wall separating me and Charles Bernstein
   I try to overcome my fear of loneliness, but without
   The almighty words of Charles Bernstein, it's near
   Impossible I enjoy small talk and big lies shared by Charles Bernstein
   Don't you love this mink coat Charles Bernstein bought me
   I wish I was a Buffalo, New Yorker like Charles Bernstein
   I say things no one else understands except Charles Bernstein
   Imagine Charles Bernstein wearing a pink bunny suit
   I hope Charles Bernstein will come to my house and play Yahtzee with me
   I see Charles Bernstein in the fog of Manhattan
   I wonder if Charles Bernstein knows if I will ever get married
   I see Charles Bernstein looking back at me in the mirror
Charles Bernstein invited me to stay the week at his condo in Aspen



Literary Magazines I Will Never Get Published In

Fuck you, African Voices
Fuck you, Agni
Fuck you, Alaska Quarterly Review
Fuck you, Alembic
Fuck you, Ambit
Fuck you, Amerasia
Fuck you, American Drama
Fuck you, Apalachee Review
Fuck you, Articles
Fuck you, Artword
Fuck you, Asian Pacific
Fuckyou, Aufgabe
Fuck you, Autofade
Fuck you, Bald Ego
Fuck you, Bellevue Literary Review
Fuck you, Black Renaissance Review
Fuck you, Bomb
Fuck you, Boulevard
Fuck you, boundary
Fuck you, Brick
Fuck you, Bridge
Fuck you, Brown Bottle
Fuck you, Canary River Review
Fuck you, Chelsea
Fuck you, Clakamas Literary Review
Fuck you, Christian Science Monitor
Fuck you, Columbia
Fuck you, Concho River Review
Fuck you, Confrontation
Fuck you, Crazyhorse
Fuck you, Cream City Review
Fuck you, Crime
Fuck you, Curious Rooms
Fuck you, Fence
Fuck you, Fiction
Fuck you, Fiction International
Fuck you, Fine Madness
Fuck you, First Pressings
Fuck you, Fox Cry Review
Fuck you, Ganzfeld
Fuck you, Gettysburg Review
Fuck you, Golden Handcuffs Review
Fuck you, Grand Street
Fuck you, Granta
Fuck you, Grassy Knoll
Fuck you, green Mountains
Fuck you, Harrington's Gay Men's Quarterly
Fuck you, Harvard Review
Fuck you, Hayden's Ferry Review
Fuck you, Hemingway Review
Fuck you, Hopscotch
Fuck you, Hotel Amerika
Fuck you, Hudson Review
Fuck you, Inkwell
Fuck you, James White Review
Fuck you, Jubilat
Fuck you, Kenyon Review
Fuck you, kilometer zero
Fuck you, Ledge
Fuck you, Link
Fuck you, Light Quarterly
Fuck you, Literary Imagination
Fuck you, Little Engines
Fuck you, LIT
Fuck you, Lusitania
Fuck you, Lyric Poetry Review
Fuck you, Manhattan Review
Fuck you, Manoa
Fuck you, Marlboro Review
Fuck you, Mars Hill Review
Fuck you, Massachusetts Review
Fuck you, Michigan Quarterly Review
Fuck you, Mid- America Review
Fuck you, Midnight Mind Magazine
Fuck you, Millennium Film Journal
Fuck you, Minnesota Review
Fuck you, Mondo Greco
Fuck you, Mother Tongues
Fuck you, Mudfish
Fuck you, n. paradox
Fuck you, nc 1
Fuck you, Natural Bridge
Fuck you, Near East Review
Fuck you, New England Review
Fuck you, Night Train
Fuck you, No
Fuck you, Noon
Fuck you, North Atlantic Review
Fuck you, North Stone Review
Fuck you, Northwest Review
Fuck you, ONTHEBUS
Fuck you, Open City
Fuck you, Prabola
Fuck you, Partisan Review
Fuck you, Paris Review
Fuck you, Paris Continental
Fuck you, Parnassus
Fuck you, Pequod
Fuck you, Pinyon
Fuck you, Pleiades
Fuck you, Ploughshares
Fuck you, Poetry
Fuck you, Poetry International
Fuck you, POM POM
Fuck you, Porcupine
Fuck you, portable lower eastside
Fuck you, Public
Fuck you, Quarter After Eight
Fuck you, Quarterly West
Fuck you, Rattapallax
Fuck you, Rattle
Fuck you, Red Rock Review
Fuck you, River Styx
Fuck you, Saint Ann's Review
Fuck you, Salamander
Fuck you, Salamagundi
Fuck you, Salt Hill
Fuck you, SAQ
Fuck you, Seneca Review
Fuck you, Shark
Fuck you, Shiny
Fuck you, Signs
Fuck you, Si Senor
Fuck you, Sites
Fuck you, Southern Poetry Review
Fuck you, Southeast Review
Fuck you, Spillway
Fuck you, Sun
Fuck you, Sycamore Review



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Midnight Picnic
a novel by
Nick Antosca

___________

The Suburban Swindle


More about The Suburban Swindle
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