Anonymous Comments, or: A Brief Survey of Modern Life, or: With Woodward by Mark Edmund Doten

Demowimps, dumb-ocrats, demoRATS, CommieLib Hollyboobs, hollyweirds, rethugs, repukes, republiturds, repiglicans, all that season warnings, chatter coming in, both sides of the aisle outdoing Hitler and Stalin, exceeding Goebbels in his craft, the Gang of 500 bought and paid for by AIPAC, moles yes Mossad moles targeting every citizen of the USI that's the United States of Israel whilst an anti-Semitic conspiracy strangled US policy, a cabal making common cause with Europe and Islam to push the Jews into the sea and yes how the libruls obsessed over Chimpy McHitler til the very day the jihadists kicked their doors in, ragheads sawing through the spines of every librul Amerikkkan, first wrenching those librul eyes to behold the decapitation of their own wives and babies, O and how we were warned about the unitary executive, the finest stress positions, the constitution in rags and tar, warned and warned again about the tinfoilhats, maroons and fucktards, all those empty highways littered with the carcasses of sheeple, the smashed apparatus of the global industrial killing machine draped with sheeple, the human race at last extinct, technology in ruins, language and thought dead, nothing now but the last few moonbats on a shelled-out country road, barking.

Applause, applause.

But we were supposed to be talking about Woodward?

Woodward?

You brought him up.

No.

Now please, you brought him up...

That's not my style. Anyhow, I don't remember.

We were talking about Woodward.

Even if, even if we were, it's hard...

But I mean at least something provisional?

We should have quit with applause.

We have to get our minds around this, don't we? Doesn't he mean something in all of this?

Yes, but how can we? I mean, it's so soon...

I'm leaving.

Don't leave.

Bye.

OK, fine, wait. See, there's the part where Woodward comes back to the office with donuts. But it's too late, they're all dead.

And then?

Well later he saves this one-legged girl from a horse, she grows up, gets voted some kind of sex queen.

So...?

So Woodward, I told my sister.

About the author:
A former associate editor at The Huffington Post, Mark Edmund Doten's work has been included in novelist Dennis Cooper's collection Userlands: New Fiction Writers From the Blogging Underground, as well as The Potomac, where he is a contributing editor. Doten is enrolled in Columbia's MFA program. In June 2007, New York Magazine named him a "future star" of New York area writing programs. His website is greenzonekidz.blogspot.com