The first customer of the day begs me to take the money in his hand despite the fact that he has already began pumping. Eventually, I break down and take the ten dollars from him just to watch him drive off after pumping twenty dollars worth of gas. Huh, a klepto with a conscious. I turn my back to the gas tanks and begin cleaning up the store with a commercial's jingle in my head. I know people are driving off with unpaid for gas but that doesn't bother me; I'm not in this business for the money. I'm just one who has nothing better to do than to help the lost find their way.

      The young klepto, who didn't ask for directions, will be back. He'll never find the way. There is only one road, and it goes only one way but without my direction, no one can travel it successfully. I'm still the key even to this day despite the fact that I'm retired. This all sounds arrogant, I know, especially coming from someone pushing a broom in a convenience store, but it's all true. And yes, I can speak the truth despite what some might say.

      I'm waiting on a hermaphrodite when the klepto comes back to the store. He/she is offering me a blow job when he walks in and begins apologizing for stealing the gas. The klepto breaks down crying halfway through his apology. He's lost, literally and figuratively.

      "You're stealing gas again aren't you? Except this time you don't have any money to pay me, do you?" I say, saddened by the boy's sobbing. This job never gets any easier.

      "I don't want to steal from you again, it's just that I don't know where I'm going. It should be just south of this store but it's not. I don't even know how I got here. I should be in Florida."

      "Is that where you live?" the hermaphrodite asks.

      His answer to that question is the same as all the others. "I've never been there."

      "Then why should you be there?" the hermaphrodite asks, touching the klepto's shoulder. I don't think he knows about he/she's gender state but nor should he be expected to, for he/she looks very much like a woman. The only reason I know that he/she is not fully what she appears is because I have great deal of knowledge on the subject. I was created as a sexless being contradicting many of the stories that I'm sure you've heard about me.

      "I don't know. I don't understand why I'm here," the klepto blurts out and continues to cry. I don't understand why either, kid. I know why he/she is here but I have a hard time accepting it. They clamp down hard on that rule, but how's one supposed to react to such indecision.

      "Why don't you come along with me? I think we're going to the same place," the hermaphrodite says.

      "I think all of us have a hard time understanding why things are the way they are," the hermaphrodite asks, already replacing me with someone else.

      "What about my car?" the klepto says with very little strength, implying that he believes leaving it here would be a viable option.

      "I wouldn't worry about it." I interject, and I want to follow it up with a couple of bars from a song but I restrain myself.

      "Why not?" the klepto asks and turns to look for his car. "Did you watch someone take it?"

      "No." I love fishes because. . . Sorry. "Chances are no one took it. That kind of thing happens around here. There was this one time. . ."

      "What about my car?" is what the hermaphrodite interrupts me with.

      "It's probably gone too," I say, feeling sorry for the both of them. "You see, something you have to understand is. . ."

      "What is this a town of car thieves?" the hermaphrodite asks with the kind of rashness that probably would've gotten he/she here anyway.

      "Yes, but just not car thieves but every kind of thieve. You see what you don't understand is. . ."

      "I understand enough to know that you condone their actions."

      "I don't really condone their actions. As a matter of fact, I once called a meeting to condemn the sinful actions of those that were not genetically inclined to do so, but no one showed up."

      "Why not?" the klepto asks while the hermaphrodite shakes his/her head as if what I said was insane.

      "People are always busy around here," I say, wanting to comfort him but all I come up with is sales pitches. I don't remember ever using any of the ones that I'm hearing but that doesn't surprise me, that was another lifetime.

      "You don't look too busy," the hermaphrodite says rudely and to think he/she wanted to suck my. . .well I don't have one, but the point is that's supposed to be an intimate act and now he/she acts as if he/she hates being in my presence. Humans never cease to amaze me.

      "People are always walking through those doors."

      "What are you talking about? No one else has walked through these doors since he came in."

      "You just don't see them just like you didn't see your cars disappear."

      "You're out of your fucking mind." the hermaphrodite says with a great deal of arrogance for one who doesn't know a damn thing about this place. She turns to the klepto and begins talking to him. "Hey, if you want to walk with me I'll show the way to where you're going."

      "You don't know where I'm going," the klepto says in response to hermaphrodite. I don't want to feel amused but the forming of alliances here is always comical.

      "You're going south, right?" the hermaphrodite begins the foolishness.

      "Yeah."

      "That's where I'm going."

      "Shouldn't there be more to it than going south?"

      "You would think so."

      "There isn't?"

      "Not from what I've learned."

      They begin walking out the door when I relinquish my animosity against her/him and ask: "Aren't you two going to ask for directions?"

      The hermaphrodite has the nerve to laugh out loud at me. I showed a great deal of courtesy toward her by not laughing out loud during their planning session. I should be angry but I'm not, for I'll see them again.

      The store is full but none of these customers concern me because they all have reached the point that they'll never ask me. I get out from behind my counter and sweep the store. Most them try to do some kind of physical harm to me but physical touch only happens if I choose it to. I seem to remember needing to add a little physical touch to seal some deals but those memories aren't quite right; I've never done what my mind is showing me, in fact, I can't. Maybe this was the reason I was forced to retire. Was I forced?

      After I finish sweeping, I take a break and buy a moon pie. I put the fifty cents in the register and look at all the cash that is in there. Ten-fifty. It's been quite a busy day. I sit on the counter and prop my tired legs on a stool. The moon pie is as good as always and the sky is providing a far more colorful display than usual.

      The colors approach and retreat in an irregular pattern, changing colors with almost every movement. This aspect of the town drives a small minority insane, but these are probably the same who couldn't stand to have television channels changed quickly. Pink pulsates, not ugly clothes pink but like the faded one that shows up in a rainbow or the glare of a CD. When I say that is my favorite color out of all of the skies' colors people look at me strangely. They all think they know what I should be like but they would all be surprised to find out who I really am.

      Enough about that, for contemplating the stereotypes I have to deal with will not get this place clean. I begin mopping the aisles of the store when the only paying customer of the day, I never count myself, reenters the store.

      "Back again?"

      "It's gone. It just disappeared." the klepto is frightened. Poor boy.

      "I didn't realize the hermaphrodite had been here that long. My memory is getting really bad."

      "You knew?"

      "Yeah. I don't think he/she appreciates what you just said."

      "What do you mean?" The klepto looks all around. "It's not here."

      "He/she is here."

      "Where?"

      "Even if I were to show you wouldn't be able to see." He looks really shocked as I say those words. "What's the matter?"

      "You're a goat," the klepto barely is able to get the words out.

      "That happens. There was this one time when I turned into a giant coc..."

      "Where the fuck am I?"

      "You're not old enough to be talking like that. And you, you should be ashamed for trying to have sex with him. Yeah, well fuck you too! Sorry kid, I can only take so much disrespect until I have to stand up for myself." I say and from the look on his face, I can tell that it was a bad idea to argue with someone he couldn't see.

      "You all right?" I say and hear a mixture of he/she's verbal assault and some kind of ad for a new women's television network.

      "Where am I?" he says and the boy is about to break down again.

      "I can't tell you that but I can tell you where to go."

      "Where to, south. I don't even understand why I feel like that's the direction I need to go. I shouldn't be here, wherever the hell here is! I should be in Florida."

      "It's okay, you just don't understand. All you have do. . ." I can't remember the directions. I wish that song would get out of my head. All it is is an overly repetitive dance song; it will be hit. It already is. We don't have music here. What's happening to me? I'm the key, I am his only way. Why can't I remember? It hasn't been that long since I gave the directions, or has it? I can't remember ever doing it. I don't understand, this shouldn't happen to me. Where is that music coming from?

      "You alright?"

      "I'm fine kid. I'm just. . . I don't know. You have to go south." I trip over my last words.

      "I've already gone south."

      "I know, I know," I say as try to remain the one in control. "What was it like? Describe it to me."

      "The sky was a scratchy mixture of grey and black and yet not all of it was. It was contained by an even darker sky."

      "Isn't the grey ugly?"

      "Annoying, maybe. So you've been there?"

      "Yes, I've seen it. Maybe from here. Did you walk into the dark sky?"

      "You can't walk into the sky."

      "What am I right now?"

      "A giant coc. . ." He stops. "How did I not notice that?"

      "The change is taking place. You need to go south and go into the sky before it's too late!" I watch the teenaged boy run out of the store. Good luck son. I have son. How could I have son?

      The rubber gloves don't work with my new appendages but the bathroom has to be cleaned anyway. I used to have to deal with much worse where I once ruled or is manage a better word? Man! Men are filthy pigs. Bad pigs are drowned in rivers. Isn't that harsh? Aren't there almost an infinite amount of punishments that could replace that one? Not if you're God. No, not God, someone else. Who knows, He/She has so many friends. They often yell Her/His name, "Oh God! Oh God! Fuck me!" That doesn't make much sense. That's why I retired. Everything has changed from the way it used to be. It was about a hard day's work back then; nothing beats the feeling after a hard day's work. That toilet has never shined brighter.

      The store is clean once again but those who have passed by today have cleaned out every shelf. The store isn't empty, it's never empty. The shelves get empt. . . full. Everything is filthy. I'll get the broom.

      "Hello," I say to my first customer of the day.

      "I tried to go into the sky like you said but I hit wall," a teenaged boy says. So young. This job never gets any easier.

      "Excuse me?"

      "I went passed the grey and into the black but there was a wall," the young man says and his words ring true.

      "Do you need directions?"

      "You've already given me directions! What do I do about the wall?"

      "If I'd given you directions you wouldn't be here right now. Just go south and you'll see what you are looking for as clear as day."

      He stomps away, becoming blurry in my vision without before he even leaves the store. Where am I going? How will they find the way without me? I can't wake up because I don't sleep.