6 things i won’t to tell my mother by Tristan Silverman

After Mindy Nettifee

Listen to a podcast of Tristan Silverman’s “6 things i won’t to tell my mother.”

1.

i wish you would have told you didn’t want a third child.

had i known, the time i was 6 and ran away

i would have let the man coaxing me from his red toyota

convince me into the passenger seat.

2.

i saw you give a a blow job when i was 8, hiding in your closet

trying to find out what you might say to your self while alone.

you stumbled into the room with that man.

the noise of his crotch against your mouth

was intoxicating – i puked into your favorite pair of shoes.

later, you beat the dog for it.

3.

you were drunk and stormed into the bathroom,

ripped the shower curtain aside — branded my body

hermaphroditic. that night, i snuck out

and tongue kissed a drag queen

near Ocean Drive. if you were right,

i wanted to get some practice. i was 15.

4.

i let the man across the street take polaroids of me topless

to prove the opposite gender found me attractive. I still wonder

if knowing this would have made you proud.

5.

i masturbated at least once a week on your bed while staring at your dirty laundry.

6.

when i was 13 the doctor asked to speak to my mother

when he found out that i was 14 pounds under the average weight

i told him she was dead.

i didn’t consider this a lie.

About the author:

Activist, educator, and poet Tristan Silverman occupies the space where gender, sexuality, Judaism, and art converge. Trained as a documentary filmmaker, screenwriter, and novelist, her poetry addresses the humanness of flaw, the fluidity of identity, and the reality of coming of age queer and American.